I think I am giving up on science. I am so tired of battling all my data with no results in it, I do not want it any more. Even though it is not my fault these data suck, well not completely, since I started collecting these data when I was young and ignorant (and had NO supervision), now I have to work with whatever I have. And that is bad bad data. Experiments with no differences between two samples, based on the experiment not having the proper pilot phases. Experiments having no significant results based on too small N.
So in the end the conclusion is: I might have been a nice scientist, not an excellent one, otherwise these rookie mistakes might have been smaller. But those mistakes were made, and I can not defend and get a PhD degree. Unless I defend with inferior stuff. Which will NOT get me any other job in science. At least not close to home. I have two leads for a possible job, one in another country, one that requires a journey of 2,5 hours in and 2,5 hours ride home. Both of these are not an option. The abroad thing is nagging, but we own a house we can not sell since it would leave us with insane amounts of debt so we need to sit this crisis out. We can not rent since this is not allowed...
No significant data = no publication
No publication = bad thesis
bad thesis = no science job other than at places that know me and the horrors of my PhD project
other places = far away = not an option
PhDBaby leaving science.
Now I only have to figure a way out to still get the title, since in any other job it is pretty awkward if I say I can manage, plan, and do whatever in time, leading to good results, without me having a degree (which thus is proving my disability to plan, manage, and get results. This I want avoid. I can do all these things. My project simply sucked).