I got a 0.41 fte teaching position at the uni and plan to do my PhD in the other 59% (or be fair, most likely I will use another 8 hours a week, or 16, depending on what my weekend looks like).
I am still not sure whether this is a good thing. It does not help me to start decided WHAT TO DO NEXT.
I do know that I enjoy science. But enjoying it isn't enough I guess. I can't get a post doc because I 'just like science and science people'.
Am I capable enough for science? If I compare myself with two friends who are now ass.profs (3 years ahead of me), they are way better in asking questions, making connections between things. Is this simply because they are ahead, is it my humble character that I think my questions are never good enough so don't bother? Or am I simply not good enough for this. I know I am good. but good enough to keep on wanting this academic career. I know I will be good at running labs, setting up courses, supervision teaching programs, teaching, executing experiments. But thinking up the million dollar grant that gets funded? I doubt it. Is this because things were rough in my PhD path. Or because I am not good enough.
I should stop thinking these kinds of thoughts and in stead write articles and get then published, I need 3 in order to defend whatever thesis there is... Right now I have 1 accepted, 2 submitted (!!!, way to go, me!)