I had a talk with both my profs (not at the same time) about what next after the PhD. Uni prof told me he can't hire me. Experimentally I do not fit in the group. Either he is telling me the truth or is trying to tell me he doesn't see me fit as a post doc in a gentle manner.
I had a talk with a PI form another institute who I happen to know since he is the neighbor of my parents, and he said that based on the lack of rocket science, I need to work pro deo and publish a paper with another institution in rocket science to even stand a chance in the very competitive field.
I had a conversation with hospital prof who I told that I do not have a good chance of continuing science, based on the lack of rocket science in my thesis, and I told him what uni prof told me. He said exactly what uni prof told me. And he told me that it is tough to tell somebody you like news you know they do not like. He also told me it is though to tell somebody you like what you they they are NOT good at, but he promised me he would think of something before our next meeting. He said it was better to know what your bosses think you are not good at before you try to do it and you notice that it is not your cup of tea or too hard.
Both the profs independently said I would be excellent in patient work (samples in my blog are sometimes just patients....).
Based on the "between the lines" hospital prof also said I am not the rocket scientist you need to be to continue science, I think. And somewhere deep inside I know that. It just feels like I failed, to even consider a path not in science. I always wanted to be a scientist. I like talking about science. I like discussing set ups etc with colleagues.
Apparently I am not the scientist I thought I was, and I need to get in touch with the clinician in me..... I never wanted to be a clinician, I did not do any of the clinical topics I now teach, plus, the clinical registration course you need over here is as competitive as science, plus you have to pay to do it (15.000 euro). Do I want to be a clinician that bad? On the plus side, when you do manage to get an internship and you manage to land that education, you will receive a good salary once finished, and you will NEVER be without work (actually, I just looked up that there are at least 15 vacancies within 30 minutes traveling from my house).
But: Do I want to be a clinician???
I just want to be a scientist, 'cause I always wanted to be one, and I always ended up trying so hard that many times, I eventually get what I want. Clear my head: do I want to be a scientist because I always wanted to be one, never thought of another career, and feel like I failed if I switch, OR do I really want to be a scientist? (even though people tell me I can do other stuff as well)